This past weekend was my first day to have all my collaborators in the space helping me make this complex story happen outside of my head. I was nervous, bumbling, confident, and faking confidence. Then after I explained the show and heard a read thru of the script, the choreographer took the cast into a room and played with cardboard and I worked with an actor and a daunting monologue.
Time flew. I laughed a lot. I had to find words to express instinctual feelings about content and style. I was grateful to have brilliant collaborators. I realized rehearsal is really all about everyone in the room sharing inspiration as we discover what the thing is that we are making.
I left the Sunday rehearsal with excitement and hope with a dash of terrified and worry. Excited and hopeful because for the first time in my life as a theatre maker I have the feeling that what is happening could be something wonderfully larger than I initially imagined. I have a piece that larger than myself. I have a piece that has elements that are autobiographical but it's only a small engine for me as the writer. "How To Kill An Elephant" is about the decaying of the American dream and capitol punishment. I'm excited to say something politically for the first time with my work and I never in a million years thought I would find joy in that. I'm terrified and worried because now I have to take the next step. In order to take this to another level I have to figure out how to raise money. I cannot self fund this production. It is too large, has too much potential, and I can't bankrupt myself in order to make it happen.
It took four years to get to this point but it's the right time for this singing dancing drag self help testimonial play based on an elephant from 1903. Now I just have to make a show and raise money to make it all come together.